10" x 20." Oil and cold wax.
The fire seems to be getting under control, and we've been very lucky. Last night it got really windy--that's normal for Boulder, but since the wind here only comes from the west, it was very worrisome and our neighborhood was given a "pre-evacuation" warning, that we should be prepared to evacuate at any moment. Somehow the firefighters kept it all under control and I think it's safe to say we're out of danger now.
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I may regret doing this, I know, since things live forever in cyberspace and there's still so much discrimination out there, both overt and not, both in terms of personal relationships and professional opportunities, but I've decided to "out" myself here, in honor of World Suicide Prevention Day. I have Bipolar Type 2 Disorder. My mother had Bipolar Type 1 and was not much present or functional during my life. I have had my own experiences with suicidal ideation and attempts. I'm currently on medication and have been since my diagnosis 15 years ago, but the medications are far from perfect, and side effects are what keep most people from staying on them or perhaps taking as much as they may need.
It's a whole other topic--and one that has me perpetually enraged--but due to the health insurance situation in this country, I had to declare bankruptcy due to health care costs, and then lost my job due to the illness (under a very common kind of contract, where it says you can be "let go" for any reason; if you don't sign these contracts, you don't get the job). Were it not for meeting The Husband at just that time, well...let's not go there.
I have heard that in Europe, things (jobs, health insurance, being able to afford to live) are not as difficult for people diagnosed with these conditions (I'm sure they're still difficult, but here it's absurd). It's ironic that my father left Germany to come to the United States, and now I'm wishing I had been born in Europe (or Canada) because of the insane health-care situation in the U.S.
I know many people who are taking antidepressants and have been diagnosed with mood disorders, whether bipolar or unipolar depression, or conditions such as ADD or OCD, and I bet by now everyone knows someone who is affected by these disorders. I've thought for a long time about whether to actually "out" myself or not, and am just so disgusted by a society in which one has to keep everything hidden and pretend to be just fine all the time, in order to hold onto jobs which allow one to (partially) afford meds in order to be able to keep the job in order to be able to (partially) afford meds...it's a vicious cycle and one which is most often suffered in silence.
There's an interesting CNN article today about someone else who decided to speak out. I would also like to write a memoir someday about the experience.
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It's been a while since we've visited the beautiful, shy, stripey Lynx creature.
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