Hard days

Hard days.


Today I read a 14-page lease, and a 14-page divorce document. My brain is fried from all the legalese.


But at least I think I found a condo to rent (that's step one of the million things I'm supposed to be dealing with right now). It's about 10-15 min.s outside of Boulder, but I think it's still within range so that I can try to use one bedroom as a (small!) art studio and participate in Open Studios. Boulderites, look for me in Gunbarrel on the Open Studios map in October and please come visit!


It's a small place. I hope the kitties will be able to still feel happy in a much smaller place than they've ever lived in. At least there are windowsills they can sit on and watch the goings-on outside. I also hope Mojito the dog will be able to be happy without a yard. He's never lived just in an apartment before. But there are a lot of walking areas at the condo complex and even a nearby dog park, so that's a very good thing.


By the way, a Rumi update: His weight seemed to hold steady for a couple of months (still quite underweight, but not losing more), until just recently, he started losing more weight again. :(   The vet said I should reweigh him in about a month, after all the big changes in his life are settled down somewhat (moving in two weeks; he's never moved before, plus he'll be losing a few family members). And then we'll reevaluate. If he keeps losing weight, I think we're going to have to see a specialist in cat internal medicine, and possibly have him put under anesthesia to scope his insides. His pet insurance is covering him at 80% for a few more months, then it won't cover the condition after that (it covers new conditions for a year).

Update - divorce nearly over

The divorce is almost over. I will be moving out June 15 (currently spending tons of time and energy looking for a place to rent with Mojito, Rumi, Gadjo and Fennec, and one room to use as an art studio, but still haven't found a place to live). 


Not many divorce details in this post, but for now I'll just say that post-divorce, I'll probably have enough money to live on from a few months to perhaps about a year and a half. Being unable to work full-time, I will be an impossible situation after that, but right now I am desperately trying to get through one day at a time. And these are hard days. Each one, I don't think I'll make it through. As you can probably imagine, my bipolar, sleep disorder, and migraines are not exactly dormant right now. And I am having to take some new anti-anxiety meds to take the truly scary edge off of some days and nights. Unable to paint or do much of anything except try to make it to work appointments. I wouldn't be able to get out of bed at all if not for taking care of the animolecules, kissing the kitties, and seeing the happiness on Mojito's face when he knows he's going to go out for a walk.


The Husband is currently saying he is going to keep Miss Lemon and Lynxie, so I am going to remove the previous post about new homes for them.


I'm still looking for a home for the lovely black Cleo. There is one family that wants to meet her in the next week or so, and there is land she could roam and hunt on, so please, please cross your fingers for me and for her, that that will work out. I so hope it will, and that if it does, she adapts quickly and isn't sad. I feel so guilty.


I lose my health insurance in about a week. I just refilled the prescriptions that I could. I don't know what will happen later. I'm in a typical bureaucratic catch-22: because I'll have some "assets" (i.e., enough money to live on for x months), I won't be considered "poor enough" to get typical social services like cheap or free meds (I will keep investigating social services, though, to keep trying to find an option). My meds are about $800 a month with insurance. Without insurance, it's at least double that. Insurance itself, the cheapest I could get, is about $500/mo, which is a third or fourth of a month's rent, so I won't be having health insurance. So I'm not sure if this blog is going to end up being some kind of unintentional "bipolar person going off meds experiment" diary. I guess we'll see. If it does, stick around; it could get interesting. I've been on meds (lots of different kinds) for 17 years, since I was diagnosed at 30. 


The worst irony for me is that there is a program in Boulder called Affordable Housing that I had been hoping I could get into. It's so that lower-income people can buy a condo for a third of the normal cost. However, to qualify, there is a minimum income requirement (I think it's 33K/year), and I can't earn even half that. Therefore, the irony is that since I don't make enough money to qualify as low-income, I have to pay regular rent prices, which tend to range around $1500-2400/month for not an undergrad dump.


When we first started talking about divorce and such, there was a hope (now known to be quite in vain) that I would be able to get a settlement that would allow me to buy my own condo at regular rates. Then the hope had to be moved to the idea of the Affordable Housing condo-buying program--but I can't even do that. Then my lawyer suggested that my only option might be to buy a cheap used mobile home, much as the thought of living like that depressed the hell out of me. Then we found out that none of them allow more than one small pet. So that means all hope of my owning my own place is gone, and I will just be renting until the settlement money runs out. And I cannot live, have no wish to live, if I can't have my animals.


Very depressed. But I felt I owed you all an update. And I'll even put up a kitty pic, to try to get a little cheer on this post. Thank you as always for reading and for your blog support.

Also seeking loving home for mostly-outdoor cat

The psychological agony of all of this is indescribable.

The whole divorce process is much worse than I could've imagined, in every way.

And it's a bad migraine day too.

-----

The beautiful black Cleo Bean.

If anyone knows anyone who could consider giving Cleo a loving new home, it would be wonderful. Cleo is beautiful, super smart, young (4? I can find out exactly if I dig up her original Humane Society records), perfectly healthy, and up to date on all vaccinations. She is not feral at all--she's friendly to people, and forms an amazing bond with her special person. [I feel horribly guilty about even considering giving her up. I know how much she loves and trusts me. :(] 

But our girl Cleo is a mostly-outdoors cat. She needs her freedom and independence, and a relatively traffic-free territory to patrol. She comes inside only to eat, to sleep on the coldest nights, and just to hang out, nap, or say hi every now and then. She has a little heated outdoor shelter for when it's cool out. She loves to hang out inside my studio while I paint, and is the only one of our cats who is allowed to do so, since she usually just curls up somewhere and doesn't mess with the painting supplies too much. One of her favorite activities is to help, supervise, and watch if you are gardening outdoors.

Cleo has always been fine with our dogs, but she doesn't like other cats. Her new home, ideally with no other cats, would have to be able to keep her indoors for a couple of weeks, and build trust and bond with her, before starting to let her out. She does use the litter box perfectly when indoors, and uses the great outdoors as a litter box as well. She puts on an amazingly thick, plush winter coat, and in summer she sheds that and is just a little sleek thing.

She's a wonderful girl, and she deserves a wonderful situation. Please ask around amongst the people you know and trust. Thank you.

Untitled 245

Pastel on UArt, approx. 6" x 7".

Art purchase inquiries: please email me: jala [at] jalapfaff [dot com].

-----

Fennec often looks to me like a baby seal--one big blorp shape with a cute face and little appendages. (Ignore the tail.)

 Mojito will be sitting around doing nothing in particular, and Fennec will come over and sit right in his face. Mojito gets weirded out and retracts his head (as you can see here) if he's feeling too lazy to get up and move at the moment. Fennec will sit there indefinitely, face to face, until Mojito finally loses the contest of nerves and gets up and leaves.

 -----

Saw this on a telephone pole, but I'm pretty sure they were talking about me.


More art on my website: jalapfaff.com

Fennec gets a claw stuck

I was photographing Fennec when he decided to roll over. He was surprised to find he got a thumb-claw stuck. I love his expression when he realized it.

Don't worry, I helped him get unstuck.

More art on my website: jalapfaff.com

Untitled 244

Pastel on UArt, approx. 6" x 7.5".

Art purchase inquiries: please email me: jala [at] jalapfaff [dot com].

-----

Rumi, wondering when we'll be going to the vet. (Fennec didn't go to the vet--he was just hangin' out.) 

Reweighed Rumi today. As always, pretty much impossible to get an accurate weight on him, because he's a perpetual wiggle machine. But we think he is about the same weight as two weeks ago. He's still on steroids. I would so love to see him at a proper weight again, but the vet said not to panic as long as he's not actually losing any more weight.

-----

In India.


More art on my website: jalapfaff.com

Untitled 243

Pastel on UArt, approx. 5" x 6".

Art purchase inquiries: please email me: jala [at] jalapfaff [dot com].

-----

I found this photo (below) on the internet. Normally I disapprove of dressing up animals in human clothes and the like, but I laughed so hard when I saw this, because I can tell this cat is a total Fennec kind of cat--super laid-back, just plump, lazy, and content with the world all the time. I so want to do this to Fennec now.

-----

More art on my website: jalapfaff.com